Some days...

It doesn't even seem worth it to make the effort to get up and go about the day. I'm overwhelmed with emotions and turmoil.

Too often does it become unbearable to know that you'll never kiss the lips of the one you love ever again, even though those sweet lips will continue to talk to you day after day.

I watch couples. "Normal" couples, you know the heterosexual ones. And I envy them. Envy them because they can be open. Envy them because God doesn't look down on their relationship and frown. Seeing as to they aren't living in fornication or whatnot.

But I on the other hand, I'm expected to enter into a "normal" relationship. And deny the one person I love so dearly. So at night I cry. I cry alone. Because I cannot call "baby girl" and burden her with my sadness. It just wouldn't be fair.

She doesn't always call me with hers. We deal and move on. But to deny and deny and yet be so involved as friends is one of the most difficult tasks I've ever set out to accomplish.

Oh the day when I can put this behind me. If ever. And move forward to safer and happier pastures. I'm hoping and wishing and praying. Daily.